Coffee, Toxins & Emails
by Chris4Short
Summary: Emails between Gen. O'Neill, Dr. Jackson and Col. Carter on a slight error in mess rations and rocks that leak... 1st fic, be kind!


**Memo**

**------------------------**

TO: ALL SGC PERSONNEL

FROM: GENERAL JACK O'NEILL

CONCERNING: RATION SHORTAGE

TIME: 1100; 10/2

-----------------------------

Dear SGC Personnel;

Due to the short sightedness of the commissary's "Monthly Order", there has been an unfortunately significant downgrade in certain food items. The following are affected imminently:

1. Rice

2. Milk

3. Chocolate bars

4. Oreo's

5. Doritos

6. Styrofoam cups

7. Mint/Chocolate chip ice cream

8. Walnuts

9. Marshmallows

10. Coffee and coffee creamer

I have expressed my deep displeasure about the lack of ordering these items in a timely fashion. Please note that these items are going to be given priority on next month's food supply list, and, since I have power over such matters, I will see to it this oversight will not be made again.

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation in this matter.

Gen. O'Neill, SGC, Base Commander

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK O'NEILL

FROM: DR. DANIEL JACKSON, PH.D

SUBJECT: SHORTAGE

TIME: 1130; 10/2

----------------------------

Hey Jack, just wanted to let you know that the memo you just sent was very funny.

I particularly enjoyed that the coffee is part of the "shortage". If you have an issue with my daily caffeine intake, I suggest you tell me personally, not making fun of this "dependence" I have.

Funny, Jack, really.

Dr. Jackson

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: DANIEL JACKSON - PH.D

FROM: GENERAL JACK O'NEILL, SGC

SUBJECT: RE: SHORTAGE

TIME: 1145; 10/2

----------------------------

Daniel -

No joke there Daniel. There really is a shortage. Apparently a chart got mixed up, an order went wrong, and Hawaii's base is getting our stuff... strange huh?

- Jack O'Neill, Commander SGC

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK O'NEILL

FROM: DR. DANIEL JACKSON, PH.D

SUBJECT: RE: RE: SHORTAGE

TIME: 1150; 10/2

----------------------------

Jack, stop, your gonna kill me. Oh wait, I have some Folgers left at the bottom of my Styrofoam cup.

- Daniel

* * *

**Memo**

**------------------------**

TO: ALL SGC PERSONNEL

FROM: GENERAL JACK O'NEILL

CONCERNING: BASE CLOSED

TIME: 0915; 10/4

-----------------------------

Attention all SGC Personnel;

I know that the memo on the food shortage shocked many of you, but I thank you for being understanding.

Unfortunately, I am closing all incoming and outgoing transportation for an indefinite time. We have enough rations to cover us for the next two months; however I do not anticipate the closure of entrance transportation to be that long.

This closure is a precautionary measure only.

Thank you for your cooperation once more.

- General O'Neill

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK O'NEILL

CC: SAM CARTER

FROM: DR. DANIEL JACKSON, PH.D

SUBJECT: BASE CLOSED

TIME: 1000; 10/4

----------------------------

Does this mean I can no longer run out for my nightly Java?

- Daniel Jackson

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: DANIEL JACKSON; SAM CARTER; TEAL'C

FROM: GEN. JACK O'NEILL

SUBJECT: RE: BASE CLOSED

TIME: 1005; 10/4

----------------------------

SG- 11 brought more than just rocks back from P3X-1646. Blame them for the routine check ups, congested state, and the leak from level 24. It was their, shall we say, oversight of what the natural habitat and the natural odors and toxins their 'finds' produced. They also failed to give account for the extreme oxygenated state our world is in.

Now you can catch up on that Naquida thing Carter, the organization of your candles Teal'c and Daniel, research I suppose.

Tatta,

General Jack

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK O'NEILL

FROM: COL. SAMANTHA CARTER, ASTROPHYSICS RESEARCH

SUBJECT: RE: RE: BASE CLOSED

TIME: 1025; 10/4

----------------------------

Sir -

Permission to study the toxins from the rocks.

- Col. Carter

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK O'NEILL

FROM: DR. DANIEL JACKSON, PH.D

SUBJECT: BASE CLOSED

TIME: 1030; 10/4

----------------------------

Jack -

Can I look at the rocks, SG-11 said they glowed and had writing on the underside.

A find like this could change our knowledge of paleontology (study of rocks), making these objects worth studying. It may also be a life form. Could explain the toxins.

- D

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: DANIEL JACKSON

CC: COL. SAM CARTER

FROM: GEN. O'NEILL

SUBJECT: STUDYING THE ROCK

TIME: 1045; 10/4

----------------------------

The answer to both your emails is no.

Permission denied, Carter.

I don't care - its toxic, Daniel.

- Jack

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK O'NEILL (BASE CLOSER)

CC: SAM, TEAL'C

FROM: DANIEL

SUBJECT: RE: STUDYING THE ROCK

TIME: 1050; 10/4

----------------------------

Buzz kill.

We have protective wear.

- Daniel

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK

CC: DANIEL

FROM: SAM CARTER

SUBJECT: RE: STUDYING THE ROCK

TIME: 1100; 10/4

----------------------------

Sir -

I have seen the initial inquires, and I agree with Dr. Jacobson's assessment that the "rock", although giving off rather nasty toxins, is relatively harmless. Certainly, not something that would warrant the shutting down of the base.

If I study it, we maybe able to reverse the effects, Dr. Brightman says that the few paroling floor 24 are complaining of headaches and vomiting. An anti-nausea and Tylenol are treating these. Studying it at this early stage would help speed the process of opening the base up to entrance level access.

Maybe those supplies too.

- Col. Carter

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: SAM

CC: DANIEL

FROM: JACK - BASE COMMANDER

SUBJECT: ROCK

TIME: 1105, 10/4

----------------------------

No, Carter.

Hungry are we?

- Jack

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK

CC: DANIEL

FROM: SAM

SUBJECT: RE: ROCK

TIME: 1125; 10/4

----------------------------

A little, Sir.

Coffee maker just broke. I also misplaced my thermos. I think the Oreo shortage is due to one of my researchers.

- Carter

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: SAM

CC: JACK - GENERAL

FROM: DANIEL

SUBJECT: RE: ROCK

TIME: 1126; 10/4

----------------------------

You have coffee??!!!!

Daniel

(Seeing steam and smelling Folgers)

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: DANIEL

CC: JACK

FROM: SAM

SUBJECT: COFFEE

TIME: 1140. 10/4

----------------------------

Had coffee; emphasis on HAD. Machine is broken, and no more beans, plus no filter.

Sam

(Can smell the bottom of cup)

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: SAM

CC: JACK

FROM: DANIEL

SUBJECT: RE: COFFEE

TIME: 1142; 10/4

----------------------------

I have beans, and filter. Is the cooler by your office still working?

Daniel - going crazy in anticipation

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: DANIEL AKA FOLGERS

CC: SAM

FROM: O'NEILL, GENERAL O'NEILL

SUBJECT: RE: RE: COFFEE

TIME: 1155; 10/4

----------------------------

Settle down you two... it's only a month. (And just coffee...)

Don't you have work to do?

Jack-can-do-what-I-want (AKA THE MAN)

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: DANIEL

CC: JACK

FROM: SAM

SUBJECT: RE: RE: COFFEE

TIME: 1200; 10/4

----------------------------

Where do you think I get all my information?

Come on down.... I warn you though I don't see how there will be any good coffee coming from this. The cooler does not have hot water, and even with a filter, I'm not expecting a great result.

Shaking... and tummy aching for Oreo's

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: SAM

CC: JACK

FROM: DANIEL

SUBJECT: TWO CUPS

TIME: 1205; 10/4

----------------------------

Worry about that later. Mind mush.

Coffee and a stash of cookies, coming right up.

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: THE MAN

CC: SAM

FROM: FOLGERS IS THE BEST

SUBJECT: JUST COFFEE!!???

TIME: 1206; 10/4

----------------------------

Jack there is no such thing as just coffee. Its life, it's a state of alertness.

There is a long history of the small bean, known affectionately as coffee when processed, in being a stimulant.

There are accounts that say a goat herder, Kaidi, noticed his herd became frisky after eating the berries from certain bushes. He also ate a few (not a good idea, but we can't blame him - we do it every time we meet a new culture), and was soon dancing around the fields alongside his goats. As legend goes on, a Monk saw him and told him he was "partaking of the devil's fruit", but he too soon discovered that these berries could help him stay awake, providing him endless hours to pray. Unfortunately, this state soon peeked his senses and he became alert to "divine inspiration."

Also interesting to note, the first drink made from these berries was not coffee as we know it. It was in fact, first a wine, combining coffee, cherries, honey and water. The word "coffee" has origins that harking back to this "wine".

Oh Sam's called, gotta go...

- Frustrated with anti-coffee

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK, ANTI-COFFEE ARE WE?

CC: DANIEL

FROM: SAM

SUBJECT: RE: JUST COFFEE!!???

TIME: 1206; 10/4

----------------------------

I agree with Daniel. Coffee helps clear up my mind. Besides that it helps keep people up all night, I find it also helps to concentrate at the task at hand. I don't think I would get nearly enough research done if I did not have coffee.

By the way, Daniel is asking if we could make a quick run to the store to buy a new coffee machine, some more beans and a few mugs.

And while we are out, I could use some ice cream.

- Sweet Cravings Carter

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: SAM "CRAVINGS" CARTER

CC: COFFEE/WINE; TEAL'C

FROM: JACK

SUBJECT: BASE CLOSED

TIME: 1215; 10/4

----------------------------

DENIED.

Carter, the base is down for a reason. Drink tea, and chew ice.

Or help Teal'c organize something.

- Not responsible for food/coffee shortage

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK - NOT RESPONSIBLE

CC: SAM

FROM: PREFER COFFEE TO WINE

SUBJECT: OUTING

TIME: 1217; 10/4

----------------------------

Com'on Jack, it's not like it's a crisis that will affect the whole planet.

SG-2, and 11 are waiting for some translations, and I can't do them if I'm constantly walking in a fog. Coffee, Jack, coffee.

There is a shortage on milk and chocolate too?

- Archaeologist who can't find the dig

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: COFFEE-HOLIC

CC: SAM "CRAVINGS" CARTER

FROM: ICE TEA DRINKER

SUBJECT: RE: OUTING

TIME: 1225; 10/4

----------------------------

Did you not just see the one I sent? Permission denied!

If you have things to do, may I suggest you do them? It could be awhile before the coffee and supplies come.

Yes chocolate and milk are gone.

-- Thought you read the memo's

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: COFFEE NAZI

CC: SAM

FROM: FOGGY DIGG

SUBJECT: (NO SUBJECT)

TIME: 1225; 10/4

----------------------------

Fine.

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: CHOCOLATE/COFFEE BOY

CC: ORIO/ICE CREAM CARTER

FROM: JACK - THE MAN

SUBJECT: RE: (NO SUBJECT)

TIME: 1232; 10/4

----------------------------

Thank you.

Geez.

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: GENERAL ICE TEA

FROM: SAM "CRAVINGS" CARTER; DR COFFEE

SUBJECT: ONE MORE THING...

TIME: 1240; 10/4

----------------------------

Sir,

Although the thought of helping Teal'c is appealing, it does present one with a few problems. Namely, that it would take away from the potential time that could be devoted to experiments, research, and for Daniel, catching up on the mission reports and general translations.

However, a barrier, known as "cravings", can severely deplenish potential desire for any of these activities. In conjunction, the lack of progress would make the next month a waste, in essence setting us back more than two to three months.

May I put forward that this is not what you would want, nor would this be helpful to anyone else on the base.

The projected out come for the lack of needed supplies (i.e.; milk, chocolate, ice cream and Doritos) is less then for the much needed caffeine fix found in coffee. In other words, sir, if coffee could be found, sooner than later, the mass majority of the next month could be potentially devoted exclusively for furthering the advancements for Earth's defense.

In conclusion, I would recommend that the substances, namely coffee and chocolate, be brought in, otherwise there will be a severe retardation of thought and discoveries.

Sincerely,

Col. Samantha Carter, Ph.D.; Astrophysics

Dr. Daniel Jackson; Archaeology, Linguist and Cultural Studies

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: TEAL'C

FROM: JACK

SUBJECT: PROGRESS

TIME: 0107; 10/4

----------------------------

Teal'c -

Attached are the email conversations I have been bombarded with from our beloved coffee-holics.

I think we should put it into action.

- Jack

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: JACK

FROM: TEAL'C

SUBJECT: RE: PROGRESS

TIME: 0115; 10/4

----------------------------

Indeed.

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: TEAL'C

FROM: JACK

SUBJECT: A FEW WORDS...

TIME: 0125; 10/4

----------------------------

I must say, Teal'c you do have a way with words.

I'll inform them now.

* * *

**Email**

**-----------------------**

TO: DANIEL- _DR. COFFEE_, SAM - _ASTRO-CRAVINGS_

CC: TEAL'C

FROM: JACK-IN-THE-CUP

SUBJECT: COFFEE, TOXINS AND EMAILS

TIME: 0135; 10/4

----------------------------

Daniel and Carter;

Teal'c and I had a bet.

I regret to inform you that you have lost, and in doing so will be required to ration your coffee intake for the next month.

Due to the obsession with this liquid substance, almost to the point of abuse, you have used this as a tool to stretch your days into nights. This has bothered me for sometime, and I am now taking action - because I can.

Teal'c and I had this bet all to see how you would react if indeed there was a real threat to your coffee and other cravings. I must say I did not think the situation would degrade so quickly.

But on happier news, there really is no shortage of any of the foods; a part the mess hall and faculty have helped played. There also are no toxins coming from the rock SG-13 brought back; Dr. Brightman was kind enough to supply a little false data.

There is plenty of Java for both of you; go to town (or more precisely go to the commissary).

Carter, I will buy you a new coffee maker because I feel badly that it got smashed.

Daniel, there is a bag of beans waiting in the briefing room, next to a new personal coffee maker.

- Gen. Jack O'Neill, General Prankster and Mischief Maker

(For cryin' out loud, what was I suppose to do while the universe is quiet?!)

* * *

##End## 


End file.
